I’m a gamer, obviously. If I wasn’t, then my job would be a rather pointless one. It would be like Super Mario confessing that he doesn’t actually enjoy fixing toilets and would rather run around chasing skirt all day. Hang on, never mind. As well as being a gamer, I’m also blessed with a slow metabolism, an inhuman appetite and an aversion to physical exertion. This wasn’t always the case.

I’ve always loved gaming but, previously, this was interspersed with visits to the gym, playing actual, real sport and experiencing both natural sunlight and fresh air. However, I’m now in my thirties and the only sport I’m participating in these days is the race between my age and my weight, which is on the verge of becoming neck and neck, which is ironic, as my own neck is barely visible.

I’ve attempted, on numerous occasions, to combat my fatness, with mixed results. However, my recent attempts have mainly consisted of buying bigger trousers. This is less than ideal and is obviously something that can’t continue indefinitely. After all, there’s only so much elastic in the world and the last thing I want is to cause a shortage that results in Bob Geldof being inspired to rewrite an old pop song and getting Bono to cackle faux-sentimental campaign propaganda from his melted candle of a face. No, no one needs that, ever. Alright, Geldof? Drop it.

I’ve decided to make a new attempt to lose weight and what better time to do it than when literally everyone else in the known universe is doing exactly the same thing? Well, not exactly the same. You see, my attempt is going to involve the most appropriate methods for a man in my position. Aside from cutting back on the sheer volume of lard that I habitually shovel into the general direction my face, I’ll also be working out and doing so exclusively using my Xbox One. That’s right, you read that correctly, unless you didn’t, in which case, have another go. I’ll just wait here……………………Done? Cool. I’ll carry on.

The Xbox One’s Kinect sensor boasts some impressive technology, which is utilised in numerous Apps and Games. I’m going to start with Xbox Fitness, a free app that comes pre-loaded with various free workouts and others that can be purchased. What Xbox Fitness achieves to do is take the good, old-fashioned workout video and bring it bang up to date, with the Kinect sensor. Using the Kinect, the app will give you instant feedback as to the whether or not you’re performing the exercises correctly, will highlight the areas of your body you’re working the most and will even measure your heart rate. I imagine it’ll be like having your own personal trainer, only without the constant desire to beat them to death.

I’ll be posting an article each week, to keep you up to date with my progress, as well as a weekly video diary, wherein, you’ll have the opportunity to watch me sweat and probably cry. I’ll also weigh myself once a month and post my progress here, starting today:

Start weight: 27st 0lbs

See you next week. If, in the mean time, you want to find out how I’m getting on, you can find me on Twitter and Facebook.

Wish me luck!